The repeated phrase “If I were a wolf…” establishes the speculative, subjunctive mood of MJ Huntsgood’s flash fiction called “Chimera.” Note also the “and” of the polysyndeton, the way Huntgood’s sentences feed one another until they culminate into a series of crushing questions. What does it require, in this mortal animal world, to find love? —Court Harler
If I were a wolf, I would be a gray wolf. I would be sleek and shimmer in the sunlight. I would roll in dust to stay cool in the summer, and would curl up under the moss of the forest to stay warm in the winter. I would be part of the forest, and it would know me.
If I were a wolf, I would be part of a pack. Our part of the forest would be known through piss and smells and scratches and we would feel it in our bones. We would never stray. Family, we would say to each other with tongues and bumps and growls. We are never alone, not so long as we have each other.
If I were a wolf, I would mate for life. My heart would be one percent of my total body mass and it would beat for one being and one being alone. I would never falter and I would never stray from my love and I would never think twice about betrayal. I am monogamous and I am loyal.
But I cannot find you.
Where are you, my love, I would think as I roam the back of the pack, thinking of how the other wolves have someone else that is just theirs and I am alone, here. My nights are cold under the moss, and my days are lonely.
Are we two creatures in different packs, unable to meet? Do you run free, your paws padding on territory I can never touch?
Or have you, in this life, come into existence as a creature that I can never love? Are you also something that mates for life and cannot find love?
Are you the hawk that flies above me? Will you rain your feathers onto my fur, a token of an emotion we feel in our instinct but cannot express with our different, savage mouths?
MJ HUNTSGOOD is a speculative thriller and horror author who explores the use of perspective and deep point of view in her work to find the nightmare not just in a situation, but within ourselves. She lives in Washington, DC, with her dwindling number of underwatered plants, two cats, and trophy husband.
Featured image by Linda Christiansen, courtesy of Unsplash.
Flash the Court 